Thank you so much for expressing interest in our Pig-in-Training Program. We’ve been auditioning new Pigs for awhile now, and–as you can see-no one yet has had quite what it takes to make a go in this rough-and-tumble Pig World. In order to expedite further inquiries, we’ve compiled a questionnaire, hoping to narrow down the hordes showing up at the open casting calls. Please take a moment to answer the following:
As a Pig, your favorite animal food would be:
A) bird seed B) dog food C) hamster treats
If you answered B, you could be thismuchcloser to becoming a Pig. Tessa has expressed her love of Isaac’s dog food on many occasions. At one point, Mom had to shoo her away from the dog bowl to prevent her from consuming too much of Isaac’s meal.
Pigs generally prefer:
A) mermaid tails B) fairy wings C) four sizes too big flip flops
This was really a trick question because the answer is All of the Above. Emmett first fell in love with merman tails and he brought Riley and Tessa around fairly quickly. (However, Tessa’s vote faltered momentarily when, after wearing her tail in the tub, she slipped and fell while pretending to be a standing up mermaid, conking her chin and teeth on the tub ledge and biting clean through her lip. True story. But, as a true Pig, Tessa put her tail back on and kept on swimming.) Check out the Flickr pics. And though Asher has had his turn with a merman tail, he prefers any adult sized flip flips. As long as they cause him to walk wonky and threaten to trip him up with every step, they make the grade.
When chatting up swim instructors, what is something a Pig could have plausibly said?
A) “No, its Daddy that loved Legos growing up. Mommy didn’t like Legos when she was little because she’s Jewish.” B) “But did you know that anaklusmos is Greek for riptide?” C) “I always have the correct answers to your questions. And, I’ll usually answer before the boys.”
Again, a trick question. If you answered, All of the Above, you may just have what it takes to join our crew. Ready to double down? Who said all of the above quotes? If you answered Tessa, you would be not only correct, but you’d be naming the chattiest of our crew. Here are some of Tessa’s other memorable mouthy moments: “But I don’t want to stop talking. I like the sound of my voice;” “I know you asked me to be quiet, but I wasn’t ready to stop talking;” and “If you can’t get him to hear you, I can help. Its not hard for me to make my voice really, really loud.”
Ok, moving on… Let’s test your Pig Preferences Knowledge. This category usually knocks out at least half of the Pig Applicants.
Which Pig enjoys: A) chewing his/her own toe nails, B) reading the Percy Jackson book series, C) hiding in the pantry to poop, D) coming up with elaborate sink adventures for his/her Lego minifigures? If you said, (in this order) Tessa, Riley, Asher (I threw you a bone there, that was an easy one), and Emmett–you are starting to think like a Pig.
Let’s keep rolling… Which Pig enjoys: A) yelling “Dangerous!” when it thunders, B) hiding snack bars in his/her bed for mid-night snacks, C) sneaking downstairs at night when everyone else is asleep to play, D) spelling out words such as candy and ipad around Asher? If you said, (in this order) Asher, Tessa, Emmett and Riley, you could be a Pig-in-Practice.
Which Pig enjoys: A) a Personal Happy Dance demo at our Lights Out Dance Parties, B) regularly requesting “desert for dinner and dinner for desert”, C) imagining what to call monster mash-ups (as in, dinopotamus), D) chilling on the deck without anything more than underwear on as well as taking long drives similarly attired? Again, this was a trick. All of the Pigs love all of those things.
Last one: Which Pig enjoys: A) military history (with an emphasis on ancient civilizations), B) requesting super hero powers daily (as in, “Mommy, I want to fly like Green Lantern. When can I get that power?”), C) verifying the truth of what he/she reads in books (as in, “Daddy, are dryads and naiads real?”), D) obsessing over driving the car, to the point where he/she has put the keys in and turned on the ignition? If you said, (in this order) Riley, Emmett, Tessa, and Asher, you’d be right!
Please take the above completed questionnaire to your nearest post box, addressing it Pig Land, USA, and affix one silly sticker and one forever stamp. We read applications quarterly (the next deadline is Halloween) so stay tuned. And keep up the good work. Although not all of you will qualify, you will surely improve your quality of laugh (if not slightly decreasing the ease of your nightly bedtime routine).
We will be in touch.
The Pigs
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