From Riley:
“Hey, Dad. The Cannibal Gardens starts with C! C for Cannibal!”
–we’d just left the Botanical Gardens

“When I put my foot in my food it tickles the bottom of my foot.”

“Let me try to open it. Maybe I can use my teeth like a screwdriver.”

From Emmett:
“No, no, no! I wore pants yesterday. I don’t need to wear them again today!”
–when asked to put on some pants

From Tessa:

“Nobody likes to clean up, clean up, clean up. Nobody likes to clean up any messes.”
–sung to a tune of Tessa’s own making while cleaning up the toy room

“That’s so beautiful! But I’ve decided that I’ll never ever die.”
–after passing a cemetery and learning that when people are buried they help the grass and trees and flowers grow

“I can’t be a pillow because I have arms and legs. Pillows don’t have arms and legs.”
–when asked why Daddy couldn’t use her as a pillow

“Then I wont grow up so I can stay your Little Girl.”
–when told by Mommy that she’s getting too big to be carried everywhere and she won’t be little much longer

“It’s Asher’s uniform jammies!”
–when Asher wore an army onesie that’s camouflaged like Daddy’s Army uniform

“I was a good girl. I didn’t hit her or anything.”
–expressing the benchmark for behaving with a new babysitter

“My eye hurts because I jammed my finger into it!”

“If I open my mouth when there is milk in it, the milk comes out.”

“Emmett, dance with me or I’ll cut you.”
–said while holding a small plastic knife. something clearly learned in the prison cotillion.

We are all settling into our new home and our new routine. We get to bike up and down the street on our new bikes (Emmett got Ninja Turtles, Riley got Lightening McQueen, and Tessa got Minnie Mouse), and we have friends to stop and chat with along the way, but we have a teensy-weensy backyard to play in. Also, the houses are close together and we all have to use indoor voices even when we are outside, so as to not scare the neighbors with our craziness. So it’s different, but still the same.

Asher went to the doctor for his 9 month visit last week and he’s doing fantastic. He’s in the 50th percentile for everything, on a non-adjusted chart, which means he’s average for all 9 month olds. This is great in that Asher’s had 8 weeks less time to grow than most other 9 month olds, so we are all still thinking that when he fully catches up (around 2 years old) he’ll probably be closer to the 80th percentile for everything. He’s still napping a few times a day and sleeping through the night. So he’s got that going for him, which is nice.

We start our summer camp next month, and we are all looking forward to that. Truth be told, we are kind of bored without our ginormous backyard to play in. But at camp, we’ll do swim, gymnastic, dance, and basketball lessons. We’ll be crazy busy. And we’ll have a ton of new friends to play with and new teachers to bedevil. It’ll be wonderfully exhausting.

Until then, we’ve a new babysitter who will be helping out once Dad is at work full-time (which is next week). We miss our Pop-pop, Ms Ann, Hannah and Ashton, but we are looking forward to doing art projects and playing in our playhouse with Davey. Maybe she’ll even be brave enough to take up to the park! Stay tuned.

The Pigs

We’ve been so busy with Dad out-of-town, and then the move, and then cross country travel followed by hotel living that we’ve not blogged about how our baby is doing… But fear not! This is your Asher update. We are all Asher, all the time. And, believe us, it doesn’t get any better than that.

First, Asher is HUGE! His tummy is like a bowling ball. He high centers himself while army crawling across the floor. And he’s army crawling, and almost real crawling, a ton. Yes, there was that two week stretch that we didn’t want to put him down on the hotel floors (because let’s be honest, we don’t know what was there before), but now that we’ve moved into a new house (more on that later) he’s on the move. And while he’s moving, he loves to hold stuff in his fat little fists. A spoon is his favorite. But sunglasses are a close second. And then keys.

Second, Asher has teeth! Two of them, in case you couldn’t see in his latest pictures, they are on the bottom and right in front. So fantastically cute. Like teeny chicklets floating around in there. But beware lest you underestimate his bite. It hurts. A lot. Take it from us. Asher loves to grab fingers and bite them like they are sausages. And when he does this he laughs. Full, giggly, slap-happy laughs. Amazing.

He’s really taken to Tessa of late, as she’s the one who makes him laugh the most. She dances and narrates and all the while he watches and laughs. Not exactly helpful while he’s trying to eat. But otherwise, it’s great. He loves to jump like he’s in a bouncy castle, and everyone agrees that he has some strong, solid legs. Like he’s been practicing squats.

Lastly, he is an accomplished manipulator. He still prefers being held to being put down. Based on his screaming, you’d think that he was being cooked alive when on the floor. Then you reach down and pick him up and he’s all smiles and love. He’s been a bit more self sufficient lately, though. What with his crawling and holding his own bottle when drinking. If he thinks that you have an extra hand, though, he’ll drop that bottle and scream for you to hold it for him.

He’s due for his nine month visit at the end of the month. So check back and see how all of this wonderfulness is quantified by western medicine.

With love,
The Pigs

PS We gave up searching for our perfect house and bought something little and new. It’s nothing like what we’ve had before, but it has enough bedrooms and we moved in on Friday night. Now we’ll take our time and look for a big piece of land, preferably with water views or even on-the-water, and we’ll build the perfect Pig Palace. Keep checking back about that, as it will probably take at least a year for that to happen. In the meantime, we are determined to enjoy every minute of this adventure.

For those of you just tuning in, we drove to Washington state this week. All of us. As in all four kids, Mom and Dad and our dog, Isaac. I’m sure if you asked yourself, “How much would someone have to pay me to take a trip across half of the country with four children ages five and under and a 100 pound dog?” Your answer would be somewhere in the mid-six figures. And rightfully so. But, we are here to tell you that once we got settled in, it wasn’t that bad. And we even had fun.

Sure, any vehicle would smell kind of funky after two small children get carsick and vomit all over themselves. And, no, a large, long haired dog in extremely close quarters does not add anything positive to that aroma. Yes, Mom and Dad were smart enough to purchase an air freshener before we left home. (Or what is now our old home.) But it turned out to be a mix of new car smell and ocean breeze, which only added an institutional tropical note to the car’s pungent bouquet.

Between stopping for potty breaks, snacks, and meltdowns, we easily tacked a good five or six hours onto our nineteen hour drive. We think it was somewhere near seven o’clock on the first night–when everyone was hungry and tired after the longest unbroken stretch they’d ever spent in the car–when Mom and Dad realized that we weren’t going to make their schedule for the trip. Thankfully, when Mom called the hotel we’d reserved for that night, our wailing in the background was just the touch she needed to lend an air of credibility to her plea to not charge her for canceling the booking last minute. (To be honest, the front desk lady was probably relieved that her hotel was no longer a stop for our traveling side show.) But, after that, we knew better than to carry any expectations into our traveling day.

Though no one really slept, the DVD players helped to keep us quiet. God only knows how many times Emmett has now watched the Fairy Pirate movie. Ten times? Twenty? None of the rest of us have been able to wrestle the movie away from him, so we’re unsure but he’s been saying “aye, aye Captain” while calling us all “mateys” and “little fellas.” We can only assume its the influence of the new Tinker Bell movie.

But the only other option was no movies, which we tried. When Mom and Dad felt that we’d had enough, they pulled the plugs–literally–on our DVD players. As a result, we spent the entire time fighting. Tessa kept touching Emmett, who yelled, “No touching” over-and-over again. Riley monologued about anything and everything he saw out the window, at some points breaking into song. And, all the while, everyone asked for more food, different songs, to turn this way or that way off the highway, to go faster or slower. Tessa screeched. Emmett yelled. Riley cried. And all the noise always, always, woke the baby.

Which brings us to Asher. Turns out that for most of his eight months, he spent very little time in a car seat. We were mostly at home. Playing. He’d been held, or put into a jumper, or a play seat. He’d scooted himself across the floor. But, what he never did, was to sit in a car for an entire day. He HATED it. The only thing that would calm him was if Dad was going faster than 50-60 miles per hour. When Dad would slow down, or-God forbid-stop, he’d start crying again. And he was mad. It was like the move Speed, but instead of a bomb being wired to the bottom of the car that would detonate if our speed dropped below fifty, Asher would start to cry. (You think a baby crying isn’t as bad as a bomb, and although you would be right, you aren’t that far from being wrong.)

But really what our little man wanted was to be held and cuddled. When Mom would reach back and stroke his head, he’d calm down. Or he’d reach out with his fat little fingers and grab her hand and press it to his cheek and he’d smile. He’d never gone that long without human comfort. He’d been loved-on too much to make him a good cross country traveling companion. Plus, the extended periods of inaction did no favors for his digestion, which helped no one. You think it’s stinky being near a baby’s dirty diaper. Try sitting next to one in a car smoldering with toddler sick and panting dog for however long it takes to get to the next exit with a rest area. Not a good time.

But it wasn’t all bad. When we got to our hotels, and we jumped on the hotel beds for almost a full thirty minutes laughing so hard our stomachs hurt; or when we got to Dinosaur National Monument and we got so close to a real dinosaur that we saw how big his teeth really were; or when we picked all the dandelions in the park we stopped at and gave them to Mommy; or when we pretended over-and-over again that we were Cinderella when the clock chimed midnight while playing at a park with a wrought iron carriage; or when we were so happy to snuggle Asher when he finally got out of his carseat that we sang to him; or when we sat and watched noiselessly the three see-thru elevators going up-and-down in our hotel lobby; or when we sang “its the ocean, the ocean, the ocean” when we thought we saw the ocean for the first time but it just turned out to be the Columbia river; or when we really did see the ocean for the first time and we weren’t as impressed as we were with the Columbia river–it was all worth it.

And because we are all together–and because moving to Washington is about our lives together–it is all, always, worth it.

Love,
The Four Fantastic Pigs

PS If you are wondering if we, after four nights in hotels, have finally found someplace to live. The answer is: No. We are still in a hotel. Indefinitely. But we are looking into getting a PO Box. In the meantime, you can send our mail to General Delivery. Because not only did we move across the country, we moved across the country circa the 1800s. Cheers!

What did Cesar do to pacify the Roman mob? He provided them with food and entertainment. Apparently, Mom’s approach to parenting during this last stretch with Dad out-of-town is not that different. With two months of single parenting down and one month to go, Mom said that her tolerance sponge is saturated with craziness. It cannot soak up any more. Since she’s officially run out of patience, she’s attempting to keep us fed and entertained in slightly unusual ways. Unusual for us, that is.

For example, we had popcorn for dinner last night. Sure, it turned into our appetizer and we ate a ton of pasta and sweet potatoes afterward. But you can’t tell me that she knew we’d eat all that after popcorn. Can you? And though Mom’s idea of “Bread and Circuses” is a little more expansive, we think that she’s really lowered the bar. We’re good with the popcorn. But she’s been throwing a lot of cereal and sandwiches and pita chips at us. Notice there’s nothing on that list that’s hot or that requires cooking. Alright, we all know that Dad is the cook, but can she at least give it the old college try? For God’s sake, we ate ice cream for breakfast this morning. Followed by waffles and eggs. But we still ice cream before 9am. Is that even legal?

We’ve also been spending more time with our Nook e-readers. Mom justifies this by telling us that we are learning to read. Which, I guess, is strictly true. We’ve all learned a ton of sight words. And we do love a good book. But it is screen time. And everyone knows what the doctors say about screen time. Plus, not everything on the Nook is a book. There are games too, like puzzles and memory. Sure, we might be learning some problem solving and matching skills, but again–screen time. We still only watch about one hour of television a day, but it seems clear to us that Mom doesn’t really understand the full definition of screen time. Only in the loosest sense is she following the doctor’s rules.

The most glaring infraction is with Asher. Mom has these little talks with Asher. Telling him stuff like, if you don’t go to sleep now I’m going to expose you on a mountainside. Sure, he’s stopped sleeping through the night, sometimes waking three or four times, and he’s also taken to screaming when he’s angry. While its true that we all agree that someone sneaked into the house in the middle of the night and replaced our always happy baby with a sometimes-evil doppelganger. But should Mom really be telling our baby that? Ok, so its clear that Asher either doesn’t believe her threat or thinks that he’s strong enough to survive the elements. Riley was there once when she told him she was on the verge of letting him sleep outside, and–no joke–Asher smiled and laughed an evil genius laugh. All he was missing was a long-haired cat to stroke. Her talks with Asher are a slippery slope. One day its verbal threats, and the next she’ll be dangling him upside-down over the side of a ten story balcony. In the blink-of-an-eye she’ll turn into a blockbuster movie villian. It could happen.

Anyway, it is very clear that Mom’s parenting is now in triage mode. Only those with a severed femoral artery get a band aid. The rest can rub some dirt on it and get back out there. We aren’t sure how much longer we’ll last. We are all hoping that Dad comes home soon. Please, pray for us.

The Pigs

(Tessa, can you please take your drink downstairs with you?)
Whatever, Mommy. Whatever.
–Tessa

If we stay outside when it’s dark, the wild animals will eat us. Like the deer and the bunnies.
–Tessa.

Look, Mommy! Lady Moon is out and she’s fat. She’s eaten a lot of noodles and peppers and ice cream! She’s so fat, I maybe can touch her!
–Riley

Why do I need to stay in my bed at nap?
Because that’s what nice girls do.
But, Mommy, I don’t want to be a nice girl. I want to be mean.
–Tessa

Asher told me he thinks I’m funny.
–Riley

I want to show Asher my owie. See Asher, look. I hurt my elbow.
–Tessa

Oh, wow. Look at all the lights outside. They are beautiful!
–Emmett, when driving at night

Hey, Emmett. What’s that on your sweatshirt?
It’s Spiderman.
He’s pretty cool, huh?
Yeah, like me.
–Emmett, talking to Pop-pop

We can’t believe that it’s already February! Tessa is officially three-years-old (going on seven). Her birthday party was a success. She got lots of jewelry, princess stuff, and books. She had a big Princess Tiana cake, too. And best of all, Daddy came home for the party! It was great.

We’ve been hanging out at home a lot with Daddy out-of-town. We’ve all gotten into a rhythm, which has been working. We play outside and do art projects and have friends over to play. We see a lot of Pop-pop and Ms. Ann. We like when it’s warm outside so we can explore the yard, making mud and creating a low level of messiness. When it’s cold outside, we play on our slack line or with our building block marble game. Mom reads to us too, and we sometimes even read to each other.

Like everyone else, Asher is getting big. He’s over fifteen pounds now and is in the 75th percentile for his height. Looks like he’s going to be tall! He still loves to be in-the-mix with everyone. If he’s not, he gets upset. He’s sitting up (with some assistance) and playing with things now. He loves to check himself out in the mirror. Obviously, he has good taste. And he’s starting to sleep on his tummy. He fights going down that way but he sleeps better, which Mom and Dad like. He’s been waking up in the middle of the night again. And we are all trying to figure out how to nip that in the bud. Stay tuned…

Emmett is eating a crazy amount of food. For three days in a row, he ate 3/4 of a medium pizza in one sitting. He regularly eats 3 eggs for breakfast, and when we all have a protein bar for a snack, he has three. On days when we all eat a lot, the fridge empties out and Mom and Dad wonder how they will keep it stocked when we are all teenagers. Emmett’s gotten really good at puzzles and is starting to read.

We all love to listen to music and dance, but Emmett likes it the most. He is a dancing machine. Our favorite groups right now are the Mumford and Sons, the Lumineers, Of Monsters and Men, and Imagine Dragons. Tessa’s favorite is Peter Bjorn. She calls him Peter Bjorn-y.

Riley is our resident builder. He loves building huge tube towers and watch the marbles go through from top to bottom. He’s realized that he has to support the towers with a strong foundation or they will fall over. He’s good at planning ahead and figuring out what goes where in order to build the tower the way he sees it in his imagination. He is always asking to go to the mailbox to get more building toys since we usually order things off the internet, instead of going to the store. He things that toys are kept at the mailbox and we can pick them up when we want them.

Tessa has fully embraced her sass. And with her advanced verbal skills, she’s quite the handful. Check out Overheard to read some of the things she’s said recently. She’s very sure of herself, which will serve her well when she’s older. Right now, it can be exasperating for Mom and Dad, or it can be very funny. She is convinced that the mailman brings babies to their homes. She said that the mailman throws the babies to their new Mommy and Daddy and that he is a very good thrower. He doesn’t leave the babies in the mailbox because he doesn’t want them to get run over.

That’s all for now!

We’ve had an amazing December. First was Disney on Ice. Mom and Dad were a tad apprehensive, given that we’d not yet ventured as a 5-some into an arena like that. But we did great! We sat so nicely, and we clapped for all the Princesses, and we waved. We loved it and we have Princess light up wands to prove it.

Then came Emmett’s birthday party. His cake was the Avengers. Check out the photo. We loved eating our heroes! He got a ton of great stuff. He got a Batman tshirt and cape, as well as Jake and the Neverland Pirates dress-up stuff, and he likes to wear it all together. He’s been running around the house yelling, Yo Ho Ho! And, Ahoy! We might have fought over the Jake headband and treasure chest, but only that first night. And, best of all, we got to spend time with the people we love.

Then came Christmas. Wow. That’s all we can say. It was amazing. Books and games and costumes and jammies and cars. Again, amazing! We had so much fun at Pop-pop’s with Ellie and Easton. Tessa and Ellie were wrestling Easton to the ground. It’s a good thing that little boy is so strong or he’d never stand a chance. And everyone helped us play with our toys. It was great.

The best part about December has been that Dad’s been home. We’ve spent so much time with him that it will be a change when he leaves next week. But Mom sold her Pilates studio, so she’s a full time Pig-wrangler now. Which will be nice. For us. We are all looking forward to the weekends that Dad comes home (and there will be many). Our time with him will be extra special.

In the meantime, Asher is doing great. He’s growing so fast and he’s (mostly) sleeping through the night. He can roll over onto his back from his front and onto his front from his back. He doesn’t always do it, but he does do it. He’s still super happy and calm. Except when he’s hungry. Then he’s a screaming tiger. We all call him “our baby.” And sometimes Riley calls him the Muffin Man. But, regardless, we still can’t get enough of him.

Check back next month and see how we are all doing with Dad out-of-town…

Talk soon,
The Pigs

PS Take note that our new address is www.fourfantasticpigs.com. You were redirected, if you didn’t notice. But, as we are Four and not Three, it’s appropriate! Now, if we could only change the graphic…

I just want to dance!
-Emmett

Mommy, please put on your ring. Mommies love the jewels.
-Emmett

After nap I’m going to be nice and earn back my privileges.
-Tessa

We don’t hit people in the head. Emmett isn’t a people. He’s my brother.
-Riley

Mommy, you don’t pee in your pants. You pee in the potty!
-Tessa

I don’t like this song. It’s not Jimi Hendrix.
-Tessa

(Let’s help Daddy clean up and put his shoes away.) Those aren’t Daddy’s shoes. Those are the Scare Crow’s shoes.
-Riley, when Daddy made a Scare Crow for Halloween and dressed it in his clothes

Erik, that’s enough. Go to the stairs and count to ten. You’re in trouble.
-Emmett

(Tessa it’s cold outside. Please put on a long sleeve shirt.)
Actually Mommie, I don’t have to put on a long sleeve shirt. I can put on a sweatshirt.
-Tessa

This is edemame? Can we eat eda-daddy too? I’m funny, Mommie.
-Tessa

It’s the start of birthday and holiday season, and we kicked it off with Riley’s fourth birthday party. It was beautiful outside and Dad had just raked a huge pile of crisp, golden leaves in the backyard. Along with our friend Mei Lia from next door, we spent the entire morning jumping in and running through the leaves. After the party, Mom said that we had enough leaves on the floor inside to make out own tree. We had blue monster cupcakes and Riley got a ton of great presents. Wonderful.

Asher was a big hit at the party and it seemed like people were fighting over him. He’s smiling a ton. That toothless, wide-mouthed, tongue sticking out smile. And when you hold him up so he can kind of weightbear on his feet, he dances. He’s also a little ticklish on his ribs, just under his armpits. You put those last two together, get him standing up and tickle him, and he’s a dancing machine. His go-to move is an arm strut and a little head flick. When Emmett did it, we called it Pig-Foo. (Like Kung Foo, but for Pigs.)

This week, at his four month visit, Asher weighted in a almost twelve-and-a-half-pounds. On the chart, adjusted for his premie-ness, he’s solidly in the 50th percentile. So, yay! We might need to cut his hair, though. He’s got quite the ‘fro. The rest of us didn’t get our first haircut until after our first birthday. (With the exception of Tessa, who got a trim around 8 months to save her from the ignominy of a mullet.) But Asher’s hair is incredible. It’s soft like puppy fur, and so curly. Right after a bath, the curls are tighter, but when it’s been a bit since washing, his ‘fro makes his head look huge. Like Riley-head huge. But we are holding off, for now…

Since we are at home now, and not in school anymore, we spend most of our days exploring outside. We’ve also been doing a lot of art projects. With Hanukkah and Thanksgiving coinciding this year, we made Thanksgiving menorahs. We made our handprints into turkeys and then turned their feathers into candles, complete with yellow flames. We also made hanging Stars of David with popsicle sticks and blue tissue paper. We call them David’s Stars.

Since Daddy will be out of town for all of January, February, and March (he’s training to do psych work with soldiers in the Army), he’s taking the entire month of December off to be with us. We’ve done so much with him, it’s great. We’ve gone to the park a ton and we’ve gone hiking and we’ve gone to the indoor amusement parks. Right now, it’s eight below zero outside, so not too much outside time. But when it’s warm, we are trying to spend as much time outside as we can because in April we are moving to Washington state. A big change for us all! But we are looking forward to it.

We’ve been enjoying our Hanukkah presents. We loved playing with the big kids on their slack line at the park so much that Mom and Dad got us our own slack line for the basement. They also got us a Swingball set. Think tetherball with a tennis ball and rackets. So far, just a few black eyes and bruises have resulted. But we’ve learned. Don’t get close to the person holding the hitter. (That’s what Emmett calls the rackets.) The Lego zoo, firetruck set and race track have also been hits.

Next week is Emmett’s birthday. He’s talking about it–a lot. We are all excited, and we hope that it warms up a bit for the party. But if it doesn’t we can play inside practicing on the slack line and playing with the Swingball. Also, this weekend we are going to Disney on Ice. Mom and Dad think we are going to love it, but it’s the first time we’ve gone to something like that so we’ll see. We’ll let you know how it all goes.

Check back soon,
The Pigs